Ep.2 | It Begins With You

My name is Timothy Eldred. I'm a husband, father, writer, speaker, coffee snob, pipe smoker, Bourbon drinker for sure, and a person faith. I'm also a friendly disrupter of the status quo, who's traveled the world to help people discover their true identity. Because my mission in life is to end aloneness and to help people live with authenticity in an artificial world. But I can't do that alone. That's why I'm glad you're here. So welcome. This is a square peg round hole. On the last podcast, I mentioned there are some rules that I live by. And I told you that we are going to unpack them little by little in episodes to come. I specifically mentioned the idea of being impeccable with my words. Well, I'm going to add to that today, just not my words, but thoughts as well. And so we'll dig into that. Now the practice of being impeccable with my words is not original with me. And I have to give credit, where credit is due it comes from an author named Don Miguel Ruiz, and I've really been impacted by his writing in the recent years. So I want to unpack some of his wisdom with you. What does it mean to be impeccable with your words? How does that translate into ending aloneness or living with authenticity? Well, there are five specific points that he spells out that I just want to go through quickly. Before we dig in a little further. He says, First that, speaking with integrity, honesty, and truthfulness is the first approach to being impeccable with your words. What does that mean speaking with integrity? How To be honest, how to be truthful, I think we're afraid of that. I think that we're afraid that we really tell people what we think. And first of all, we don't tell people what we think we're seeing integrity, in that. I just think that's pretty much self explanatory. And that goes into number to say only what you mean. I had a conversation yesterday on the phone with a friend of mine, and we were talking about some of his career moves and choices. And I gave him everything that I was really thinking and I promised him at the end of the conversation, there's nothing that I haven't told you. Just nothing I haven't told you. And I meant that there's nothing I was holding back because I didn't want to hurt your feelings. No, I told you exactly what I meant. And I gave it all to you. Now the third one, I find quite interesting, speak what you desire. I find that most people's conversations, my conversations, if I'm not careful, reflect not what I desire. But what I regret. We're always looking back, it's something we can't do over there's no do over something I can't change. And I do think it's important to reflect. But sometimes we just get hung up there, instead of like thinking ahead, which can't change either. But you can speak what your desires and your dreams are and what the next steps are. So I really like point number three. Number four, avoid speaking negatively about yourself and others. That's where we're going to land today. And so I won't extrapolate on that right now. And so use your words in a positive direction. I think that's kind of a duplication in some ways of number three of speaking what you desire, like, look ahead, speak positively about what you want to do what you accomplish, and he says, of truth and love or in truth, and love. And, boy, isn't that missing? It's just missing from our world. Maybe it's because it's missing from our lives. Again, not passing judgment, but just asking the question, do we lack truth? Do we lack love? Are we just a negative culture? So positivity is hard for us? Sometimes I think it is. Because I look across the landscape of like our culture. And I wouldn't say I'm astonished, but I'm disappointed. And I'm not saying I'm disappointed and just everybody else disappointed in me to that there's an absence of those five guidelines in our world. Because people seem to use their words absolutely carelessly. In the way we speak of situations we face people we encounter opinions that we have about something that you know, doesn't sit right with us. I mean, think about it. We see it in politics, for sure. See it in politics all the time. We hear it in our offices, here in the hallways of schools for kids. It permeates our homes. That's no doubt. I mean, if you've ever turned on talk radio, that's how they make their money. money. I mean, it's not like yay rah rah, let's all go it's about the other guy or against the other person or against the other team. You name it. I think we're pretty careless with our words because figured out being careless with your words speak negatively about other people that pays the bills. I mean, it sells soap in commercials mean, everything is built around tearing somebody down. That's what we do with our words, we tear people down. We gossip. we exaggerate, we criticize we judge. And, honestly, we condemn, we condemn people who don't look like us, people who don't act like us, people who believe the way we believe. And I know that sounds all really derogatory in indicting. But sometimes you just have to admit the truth in order to fix the truth, or at least try to manage the truth in a better way. Maybe even more damaging though, because we can recognize we speak poorly, and negatively about others. more damaging is the way that we use words against ourselves. We tend to plant seeds of doubt, seeds of destruction with the words that we speak. And I wonder if that's because maybe we just don't understand the power of words. Or maybe at least we have forgotten that words, build up. Words, tear down words, kill words destroy. Words matter. And I don't think that's like, like an epiphany for anybody listening. We know that words matter. But where's the discipline? That goes with our understanding that words matter? I bet. Have you looked back I can, I can remember words spoken. Maybe they weren't words of anger. Maybe they were from a parent, a neighbor, teacher, the asshole kid on the playground, I don't know what it is. But something was spoken that stuck in your head. And you still remember him. Something triggers them. And you recall what that was. And usually, when you recall those words, they hurt. We probably recall more words that hurt, then more words that helped. Another issue is that words give meaning to what we what we perceive since thoughts and words. And here's where I want to talk about thoughts with you. thoughts and words are choices. So learning how to think and learning how to speak in a way that feels good, and helps you create what you desire. It can add value to your life, when you learn to think and speak that way. Now, you might be saying, but I don't think I speak poorly of myself and I don't speak poorly of others. Okay? That might be true, if you want to believe that you can believe that. But I think that we all do it more than we when we realize. And that's where I want to mention the idea of thinking. Because just as important as your words are about what you say about yourself or what you say about others, it is just as important. And matter of fact, it may be more important to be impeccable with your thinking. Because thoughts give birth to our words. So you might not actually speak negatively about yourself or speak negatively about others. But you don't have to verbalize or articulate your ideas since the thoughts that you've got are already ideas or words inside your mind. And what we think usually are eventually becomes who we are. Now, I honestly doubt that most people say everything they think at least I hope we don't say everything. We think we probably get slapped we'd be in trouble if it just kind of rolls out of our mouth. Now, I want to stop there because when I'm talking about living with authenticity, that doesn't mean like just because you're trying to be authentic, he should say everything that you think there are times to have some discernment. Because if you just like let it fly all the time, you're probably going to be embarrassed more than you heard other people you just gonna be embarrassed yourself. But I'm I'm stuck lately on how can I learn to think differently? And what I'm learning is that it's absolutely possible because I have control over my mind. My mind is not control me I control my mind. And you can to or at least you can learn to do it with some practice. I'm learning to do it with some practice, practice. I've been practicing it for months because I know my words and thoughts become habits. More than that they become beliefs. They can be conscious, they can be unconscious even. I've got a dear friend that I spoke to just a couple days ago who was constantly thinking about his past experiences, that everything in his life from the past makes everything today just shit. He's like, nothing's ever gonna get better. He dwells on how he thinks about it. He wallows in he talks about he writes that he texted he puts it in emails. So it's just, it's ingrained, right? He's saturated himself, it's ingrained in his head. But sadly, he won't take my advice. I'm not a rocket scientist, you know, but I'm learning some things that I'm trying to pass on some simple exercises, to get him to get you to get me past the past. Now, I want you to listen that I'm not talking bad about him. Museum as an example, but I believe in him. And I use my words every time we visit, to paint a picture, so that he knows that I believe in Him, not telling him what to do, I ask more questions than I give answers, because no one wants you to just tell them what to do they want a voice, they want to be able to think so I lead him towards that. Like there's something better. Let's talk about what we can do about what you can read, let's talk about some habits, you can change, but I can't change him. I can't change him with my words and my thoughts. And no one, including this podcast in me, no one can change you either. I can give you something to think about. And I can pass on some advice, or maybe some pearls of wisdom, but the power to change belongs to you alone. In my life, I battled the issue. I battled doubts and worries, and about my career change. And I don't want to sugarcoat that for 30 years, I've been a pastor. And after 30 years of pastoral ministry, and speaking and traveling and doing things with youth all over the world, I don't want to do it anymore. There are some other ideas and thoughts that I have that I want to share to a different crowded a different audience. But I'm struggling because that's like a scary deal. It's huge for me. And honestly, I have thoughts like what are you thinking, Tim? How are you going to pay your bills? Do you really think people are going to pay you for this topic? I mean, you get the point, you've had those thoughts about changes you've been trying to make in your life. And if I'm not careful, I can let this idea and these questions Germany and bounce around in my head until I just have to intentionally tell myself to just shut the hell up. Be quiet. It's when a negative pop thought pops in my head. My first response now is I talked to myself and go, not now. We'll talk about it later. Or we won't talk about it at all. I have to do that. It's not just you. You're not the only one, you're not alone. And I will always make sure in my podcast that you hear me say that you are not alone. Because it's in those moments that I have to make a conscious choice to change my thoughts and begin telling myself the complete opposite. And I have to quit stressing, and I've got to get to work. At the end of the day, I've got to get to work to make it happen. Because my thoughts, my words, your thoughts, your words, they control attitude, and they control your action. Mind do yours due to the reason I'm focusing on thoughts and words today is I want to spend the first few episodes of this square peg round hole podcast, laying a groundwork for for helping you to help yourself or for Helping you help others overcome the pain of aloneness, which always starts with self. It always starts with self. And quite often it begins in the mind. Because no one else can do it to you. And no one else can do it for you. And the change begins in your head. That's where the battle is won. It's always won in the mind. And only when you master your thoughts and words are you're going to gain the skills and the strength to live with authenticity in an artificial world like we say. So here's the deal, my friend. You create Your reality, I want you to hear that again, it's probably not spoken enough. And you've probably not heard enough, but you create your reality. No one can do it for you. And in case you like, bought the lie like my friend has that your past can't be conquered. You have got to stop thinking that garbage. It's garbage. It's not true. It is a lie. And you need to begin like a new narrative in your head, you need to create a new story, you need to begin dreaming of a of a different future. Which I know sometimes it's hard when your future might have been or your past might have been hellacious. But write it down. Start thinking like what would tomorrow be if I had the perfect day. And then write down words that like, you know, erase some of the negative things that you've heard. Write the dream out, write the desire out for you, on a piece of paper, just like storybook keeping a notebook, read it, memorize it, I do that I've got a list of dreams and desires that I look at every morning on my phone. And I say them out loud. Sometimes I tweak them, their dreams, for me, for my wife, for my kids, the dreams for finances, their dreams for influence their dreams for this podcast. And the more I dream them, the more I believe them. And the more I believe that the more I go to work on it, but the more I go to work on them, the more they actually come into existence. Because remember that the main way to create is through the language that we speak. There's not an idea there's not a building been built. There's not anything that's ever been invented. There's not a relationship that has ever thrived, that did not first begin with an idea in the mind that was then spoken into existence. I was reminded of that I was thinking about this, like, in the ancient Hebrew text of the book of Genesis, we're told right off the bat, like God spoke the world into existence. Now I know that now all my listeners have a common understanding of the idea of God, which is fine, you might call him like your higher consciousness or the universe. I don't care what you call him. At the end of the day, we can speak things into existence. That's, that's a power. So here's my final word as I wrap up. It's a phrase I wrote down and created just a few years ago that my wife and I both use, and especially when my thoughts are less than impeccable. The only power you have over the past is purity in the present. I'm gonna say it again, the only power you have over the past is purity in the present. It means you can't change yesterday, and you can't control tomorrow. But you can live in the now you can live in the present moment. So, being a square peg in a round hole means being authentic and being authentic begins in your mind. So thank you for listening. Join me on the next episode.